DAY 1

After arriving at Denpasar International Airport the night before, hitting the clubs of Kuta & falling asleep to the monotonous beats, we were already fed up of Kuta’s craziness! We rented our motorbike – $35 for the week – & headed south for some beach bumming.

Kuta to Balagan beach: 1 hour – a beautiful crescent beach enclosed by sheer cliffs at either end. NOT a good beach for swimming though, with vicious coral coating the seabed, stretching to a surfer’s haven 50m form the shore

Balagan to Ulu Watu beach: 1 hour – a few more hours on a swim friendly beach, in an alluring cove boasting caves to the left

Ulu Watu beach to Ulu Watu temple: 20 minutes – a short trip to the southern point of Bali in time for sunset to watch the powerful Kecak dance. Epic

DAY 2

Ulu Watu to Ubud: 2 hours – a slightly more challenging navigation to Ubud, the culture capital of Bali. We ambled around the city for the afternoon, before retiring to our amazing rice paddy bungalow!…an entire HOUSE for just $22 a night!

DAY 3

We explored the rice fields in the morning, aimlessly wandering along the thin boundaries of the paddies for a few hours.

Ubud to Tulamben: 3.5 hours – this was the most breathtaking leg of our journey, travelling on Sidemen Road. It took as so long because we had to stop every 10 minutes to take photos of the views! We headed north-east towards Mt. Agung, before cutting down to the east coast to Tulamben in time to see the sunset over Bali’s tallest volcano

One of many great views on the way to Toya Bungka

DAY 4

That morning we snorkeled at the World War II U.S. warship, sunk by the Japanese & abandoned 50m from Tulamben’s pebbled shores. The wreck & the fish were mesmerizing.

Tulamben to Les: 1 hour - with 2 stops on the way for a rare, pricey lunch at Poinciana Resort & Yeh Mempeh waterfall near Les, we took our time circumnavigating the northeast coast, before heading inland to Lake Batur.

Les to Toya Bungka: 3 hours -We weaved our way up through the mountains, looking back at breathtaking views of the northern coast, arriving at the beautiful Lake Batur in time for sunset again

Mt. Batur from the road

DAY 5

After an incredible sunrise over Lombok, & a dreadful attempt at climbing Mt. Batur that ended in our lives being threatened by the ‘local law men’ (i.e. the Mafia!), we headed out.

Toya Bungka to Munduk: 4.5 hours - One of the more difficult routes, (because the road isn’t on any maps!) we headed north, before going south, before going north again!… through more rice fields & tiny villages, along some pretty bad stretches of road… but nothing our loaded up 50cc scooter couldn’t handle. We winded up & down before settling in at the wonderful One Homestay guest-house in Munduk.

DAY 6

In the morning we trekked around Munduk’s valley of crops with the homestay’s owner, Kadek. 

Munduk to Jatiluwih: 1.5 hours - We stopped for lunch in the Jatiluwih rice terrace (& for several photos!), a vast expanse of golden grain with workers toiling away.

Jatiluwih to Kuta: 2 hours - We dropped off the motorbike back in Kuta & gave our asses a rest!

Kuta to Nusa Dua: 30 minutes – Stepping up to the ‘luxury’ of taxis, we headed south to Nusa Dua for one last day on the beach.

A rice worker toiling away at Jatiluwih

DAY 7

Gegur Beach – Our first entire day doing NOTHING! We spent the whole day on Gegur beach doing as little as possible & spent 2 nights in the same guesthouse for the first time on the trip… Only to get back in a taxi & off to the airport bright & early!

Our route around Bali by Motorbike

I would highly recommend seeing Bali by motorbike. It was easy to rent & the roads were fine. Any time we felt we might be heading wrong, we stopped to ask the locals who were very helpful, & actually had zero problems getting lost!

So, if you’ve got a week in Bali, consider ditching your luggage at hitting the road on your own wheels. There’s definitely something about travelling by motorbike, & on your own time scales , that adds to the experience… & the views were breathtaking day in, day out.

But than the next day we’ll meet some extraordinary person or visit an amazing city we’ve never been too and remember why we’ve decided to live in Asia the last few years… but when those “WHY” moments strike it’s all I can do not to book a flight home! Character building right?

Here are a few of these moments that I’m sure you’ll find extremely funny to read about and think ‘thank god that wasn’t me‘ but we actually had to deal with them!

1. The Life Sucking Mud Puddle: Ban Lung, Cambodia

We were cruising through back dirt roads on a motorbike when we came to a traffic jam. Let me clarify, it was a traffic jam in the middle of the woods in no-wheres-ville and we should have looked at the locals all waiting in line behind each other and decided to wait with them. There was a giant mud puddle, but it only looked a few inches deep so Rhys made a quick decision to ditch the locals and make his way through the puddle. As soon as we hit the mud we sank up to our knees, and the bike was being sucked up whole. Jumping off, locals crying with laughter at us, we managed to pull the bike out costing us Rhys’s flip flops and me a pair of shorts that never recovered from the mud stains. The locals raced to town, spread the word of our mishap, and as we drove through with our heads hung low, soaked in mud up to our thighs the encouraging Cambodians pointed and laughed!

This is what we drove into! Damn bike sucking mud.

2. Imprisoned on a Houseboat: Srinagar, India

We arrived in Srinagar and should have known immediately that it would be a crazy trip when the Indian Army had to escort our tourist bus to Dal Lake where we would be staying on a houseboat. Tensions were so high between India and Pakistan over Kashmir and who it belonged to that we weren’t aloud to leave the houseboat. Rhys and I were confined to 2 rooms, no tv, no computer, no outside stimulation, no books besides the 3 we had with us for a week. The highlight of our day was getting to eat lunch and dinner, which was the exact same EVERYDAY. Just the two of us on a boat with no where to go, nothing to do but sleep and wait for the next meal. Cabin Fever isn’t even the word for it! We weren’t allowed to leave because of intense riots in the town, and eventually the houseboat owner came to us and said, “Look I think we can get you out tonight. I don’t know what time, have everything packed, sleep in your clothes, and be ready to go the moment I knock on your door.” Scared? Yes. But ANYTHING to get me the hell off that boat. At 3AM we got the knock, jumped out of bed and crept to our getaway canoe. We were spotlighted the entire way we were paddled to shore, then thrown in a tiny mini van packed full of people for a 10 hour drive through winding mountain roads. The man behind me was puking the entire time and my knees were jammed up to my chin, but we were free, free at last!

The room we stayed in all week!

3. Indian Hospitals are the Worst: India

Rhys fell and went BOOM on his BOTTOM and the bruise left on his bum was INSANE. The hematoma that was left on his bum was INSANE. It looked like a bus had hit his entire right butt cheek, and he was in big time need of medical attention. He fell down slippery marble stairs at a temple, and the hematoma kept growing and getting bigger and bigger. The first hospital was an awful experience with people everywhere, people left gasping for air, missing limbs, you name it and we saw it. However, when his bruise never got better, we went to an even worse hospital a month later. The doctors didn’t know what to do, I asked them if they thought draining it was a good idea and they said “Yea, ok, sure.” As if I were the doctor! After writing down a list of all the supplies I needed to go buy across the street, they stuck the syringe in Rhys’s still growing butt bruise and proceed to squirt out the blood from the needle into a huge barrel sitting in front of Rhys’s face. The barrel was of course already full from the day’s waste. After gagging, all we wanted to do was get as far away from that hospital as we could before we caught some serious illness!

OUCH! The 3rd Black Butt Cheek

4. The Act of Travel: Vietnam

The list of horrific buses and trains we’ve experienced (we were in India 2 months and Vietnam 1.5 years!) could go on for days but here is one of our worst. South of Cambodia to Saigon, Vietnam. An easy 9 hour trip, take a nap, listen to some music, have some lunch, talk with the backpackers around you, and boom you’re there. Or so it should have been. We got on the bus in Cambodia at 9:30am and didn’t get to Saigon until 2:30AM. Let me say that again, 2:30AM. 17 hours LATER. It was all smooth sailing until the Vietnam got involved. We got shuffled onto 3 different mini buses. Drove a zig-zag pattern from the Southern coast of Vietnam all the way up to Saigon picking up every local Vietnamese person along the way. The mini-bus could seat 15 people, and we counted 30 PEOPLE crammed on the bus. A woman was using my shoulder as her butt rest, another lady using my leg as an arm rest, no A/C in 90 degree heat, fish were stored under the bus near the engine so every time we stopped (which was every 10 minutes) this gut-wrenching smell of fish filled the bus. Than the little girl in front of us decided to puke all over and of course the tire went flat when we were 30 minutes from the bus station. A true test of a person’s character when a 9 hour ride turns into 17 hours after being told a countless numbers of lies. To say I was ready to kill someone is an understatement!

30 people fit in this tiny van made for 15 people!

5. Sleeping on an Indian Train Station Floor: Varanasi, India

India is probably the dirtiest country we’ve ever been to. Actually, scratch probably.. it IS the dirtiest country we’ve ever been to. Varanasi is therefore one of the dirtiest cities you will ever go to, and we had the luxury of sleeping on the floor of the filthy train station! We were all ready to board a train headed North to Darjeeling when all trains were delayed a few hours. No big deal, common practice in India. Delays, delays, delays. After an hour or 2 we were told it would be delayed a few more hours. Until eventually they told us Maoist blew up the tracks and all trains would be cancelled until the next day. We were stuck. Hostels close up early, it was really late, and we had no where to go. The train station looked like a scene out of a refugee camp there were thousands, I mean THOUSANDS of people EVERYWHERE. Laying inside the station in every nook & cranny, laid outside the station, every inch of the place was crawling with people. I had a guy at my feet, Rhys at my side, and a trash can by my head.  I just laid there waiting for daylight so I could get on a bus the hell out of India and into Nepal!

We slept on the floor, in this Train Station that looks more like a refugee camp!

6. Life-Threatening Boat Rides: Rabbit Island, Cambodia

We’ve been on a few small wooden boats, where everyone on board were saying their ‘Hail Mary’s’ praying for us to reach land. Not the greatest feeling, but what can you do? We almost tipped over when a storm decided to crash a snorkel trip in Thailand, we defied a storm in the Philippines and boarded a boat that took on enoromous swells for over an hour (I was the one saying the prayers then!)), but recently in Cambodia we tried leaving Rabbit Island and get to the mainland when we thought the boat would either tip from the swells or from taking on so much water. We had to leave the island, a storm blew in, but we couldn’t wait it out.. it was time to rock ‘n’ roll. It was a little wooden boat probably 12 of us on board and we didn’t have a chance! The boat was rocking back and forth SO MUCH that we were actually taking on water from the sides dipping that low into the sea. I was gripping the side of the boat for my life, literally to just stay in the boat and not be thrown out. It was a scene out of a movie. Swell after swell kept smacking me in the face, everyone on board was shouting, scurrying around trying to keep bags with electronics inside dry (they didn’t have a chance), all of our eyes set on coast in the distance. When we made it we looked like we had all jumped in and swam to shore ourselves. We were soaked, cold, and wide-eyed!

We were on a little boat like this!

7. Mountain Mafia: Mt. Batur, Bali

This was by far the most dangerous situation we’ve ever been in. We’ve written an entire post about it, but in short we were almost severly hurt by a group of mafia men that run a tourist town in Bali. We read online and in guidebooks that Mt. Batur is the only volcano in Bali that can be climbed without a guide. We drove there expecting to hike up it for sunrise on our own when a gang of men wouldn’t let us hike the mountain unless we paid them $100 to be our guides. It was an insane situation, the town is actually INSANE to be in, and we 100% want to make sure word is out there that you should NOT go to this place when you’re in Bali. Read all about our hair raising experience ending with us being pushed, cursed at, and spat on– here.

The crazy town lays low under Mt. Batur!

At the end of the day all of those experiences that made me squirm, cringe, and think of my bed in America that was so many thousands of miles away are all apart of the experience and the art of traveling. We wouldn’t change a thing that’s for sure– well maybe we would have skipped over going to Mt. Batur!

If I could I would have taken her home with me!

We were on the island of Carabao in the Philippines. Not too many foreigners go to Carabao, and a group of girls were very curious about us. They followed us around as we wandered from beach to beach checking out the beauty of the island. They were all smiles and loved modeling for silly photos.  You can acutally see me in her eyes, squatting down to take her picture!

Life as an expat in Saigon to put it simply… is awesome. People living here are so spoiled with the bars, restaurants, and clubs. Most people traveling here get stuck in the bright lights, cheap booze, and party scene at Pham Ngu Lao. Which is GREAT, we’ve spent plenty of nights drowning away in buckets in the backpacker’s district… but here’s a list of some other great bars around district 1 that are worth checking out and going beyond the bumping music and street hawkers at Bui Vien.

1. Pacharan, 97 Hai Ba Trung

A jug of sangria on the roof top is one of my favorite things to do and places to be at in Saigon. This Spanish tapas restaurant/bar has buy one jug, get one jug of sangria on Friday’s during their happy hour. Surrounded by the Opera House and fancy hotels, the sounds of the city traffic muffled below, you can almost pretend you’re in some other Western city and far away from the pollution of Saigon!

2. Rum Bar, 13 Phan Van Dat (right next to Black Cat)

Well, we call it rum bar.. but it doesn’t exactly have a name. It’s homemade rum, and about $2 for a big bottle of it at this little street bar. It’s right next to Black Cat, and is operated out of someone’s house. It is just red chairs lined up on the street with matching plastic tables. The rum creeps up on you and since it is one of the cheapest places you can drink in the city… bottle after bottle, you’ll leave their with a big smile on your face! Super cheap, really fun, always buzzing with locals, definitely offers a real feel to the city and a look into the love Vietnamese have with drinking in baby plastic chairs.

3. Lion’s German Brewery, 11C Lam Son Square

A 1 minute walk away from Pacharan, lion’s brewery is also one of our favorite places to drink in the city. Let’s face it, Asian beers aren’t the greatest and there’s only so much Saigon Green and Tiger you can drink before you want a nice dark or light brewed beer. Sitting outside at a picnic table the bar looks onto the Opera House and is very well priced considering the massive mug they give you to drink out of.

4. Vasco’s & The Refinery, 74/7D Hai Ba Trung

Vasco’s is extremely popular with all of the expats in Saigon. You can sit downstairs and have a nice fancy drink sitting by candle light, or venture upstairs to the dance scene. Vasco’s get some decent DJ’s in and on any night will be packed with people. It’s a little more expensive and $3 for a bottle of beer and about $5 for a spirit. Great place to go after you’ve got the night started at Rum Bar.

5. T&R, 42 Do Quang Dau (between Pham Ngu Lao and Bui Vien)

“I love this bar, it’s my kind of place, just walking through the front door put’s a big smile on my face.. no cover charge, come as you are, I love this bar…” The song sums this place up perfectly. It’s a total dive, with smoke build up a foot thick from all the cigarettes and lack of ventilation over the years– but that’s what gives it it’s charm. It’s a little hole in the wall, sitting between Pham Ngu Lao and Bui Vien and a go to place any night you’re drunk at 3am with no where to go but the need for a beer and some music. The computer sits out so everyone can choose their own music to blast from the speakers. I love this bar. A night ending at T&R is always a good night, but makes for a terrible morning.

6. Apocalypse Now, 2 Thi Sach

It’s been in the city literally forever, during the Vietnam War soldiers would gather here for their drinks and their women. The downstairs can be pretty seedy, but I love the upstairs. It plays all the typical club music from back at home, with you and your friends dancing around a metal barrel to sit your drinks on. Again, it’s another place I always go to with a good buzz on because the drinks are more expensive, but any night ending at Apocolypse is always a great freaking time. Weekends there is a $5 cover, but your first drink is included.

7. Blanchay’s Tash, 95 Hai Ba Trung

Another high-end bar, it is next door to Pacharan and a great place to go after having a few jugs of sangria. Blanchay’s Tash is really nice, newly remodled with the upstairs opening up to a roof top setting with a DJ keeping the crowd happy. Drinks are little more expensive at $4-5 for a beer, but again this is a great place, really funky and upbeat.

8. Ladies Night at Cloud 9 or Lush

Tuesday nights are primetime for the ladies! Free drinks until midnight at both Cloud 9 and Lush. Lush is a club and is packed full of people every Tuesday, while Cloud 9 is really relaxed and a beautiful high-end bar. Sitting on Cloud 9′s rooftop overlooking the city sipping away on fancy cocktails, or jumping into the club scene at Lush where ladies also sip on cocktails for FREE. Sorry guys, Lush has a $5 cover for you on Tuesdays and both bars are around $4-5 for a beer. Cloud 9 address: Floor 6, Hai Nam Building, 2 Cong Truong Quoc Te, District 3          Lush address: 2 Ly Tu Trong

9. Spotted Cow, 111 Bui Vien

Another one on Bui Vien, but the cow’s roof top terrace makes it stand out against all the other bars dotted around the backpacker’s district. Friday happy hour 5-7pm has buy one jug, get one jug of cocktails or beer. So many Friday’s we jet staright from work to the cow to forget about our whining students from the day and celebrate the weekend! It has a great atmosphere to it, broadcasts all the important sporting events, and has great specials on food and drinks every night of the week. Tuesdays are buy one burger, get one free– can’t beat that either!

10. Plastic Chair Joints

Anywhere you see a bunch of plastic chairs on the street will sell beer for less than .50 and is a great way to mingle with the locals and learn the Vietnamese cheers , “Mot, Hai, Ba… YOOOO!” We’ve had some of our best, most random nights because we plopped down at a random place with red plastic chairs on the street. You’ll have a laugh with the locals as you try to talk to each other, realize you’ll never understand each other, and drink away the confusion!

There are 2 expat magazines in Saigon. They both have websites, and are a great place to check and see what’s going on in Saigon on any given night. They will list food specials, DJ’s, exhibits, live music, whatever is going on will be listed here. I think The Word is better when it comes to looking for a goodtime, but AsiaLife is also helpful.

wordhcmc.com

asialifehcmc.com

The town of Munduk accompanied with Kadek the owner of the guesthouse we stayed at did just that for us, and some.

100% if you go to Munduk you’ve got to stay at One Homestay with Kadek, the man can do it all! It is a one man show at his guesthouse and it’s all up to him. He’s an awesome chef (he cooked us some of the best food we had our entire time in Bali!), the maid, the reciptionist, and your tour guide for a day of trekking around Munduk’s endless maze of fields.

No funny business, we arrived asked how much a room was and there were no games and haggling needed. He offered us a fair price and it was simple. The guesthouse is more of a homestay (hence the name) there are only two basic rooms and the homestay overlooks his family temple. We got the chance to learn a lot about Bali’s take on Hinduism and even played some Baliense instruments and sang along with his family down the road.

Not to mention the VIEW IS INCREDIBLE. The entire house looks out over hundreds of fields farming everything from coffee and rice to tropical fruits and cloves. The fields are perfectly tiered on top of each other with palm trees dotted around. Volcanoes jolt up in the back drop with clouds dancing around their craters. I couldn’t get over the view it was so stunning, it was honestly something out of a movie! We spent our first night sitting on the deck with a bottle of wine gazing at the stars, overjoyed to be miles and miles away from the mafia men in the sancturay of Munduk’s beauty and Kadek’s One Homestay. Finally, some luck was on our side!

View from One Homestay

Kadek took off the apron and laced up his hiking boots the next morning and took us all over Munduk. We were jumping from field to field and he was telling us all there was to know about the vast number of crops grown there. They literally grow EVERYTHING. Every type of tropical fruit imaginable, coffee, cocoa, rice, cloves, avocado, tapioca and herbs like ginger and lemon grass. The rich volcanic soil mixed with the tropical climate makes it a great place for crops to grow.

Munduk is so charming because it’s away from everything. No starbucks, bars, resturants, ATMs, or internet shops. It finds its own charm in the smiling locals, quiet evenings, and calming nature of the town, fields, and volcanoes surrounding it.

Hard at work in the Rice Fields

Scarecrow in one of the many rice paddies

Kadek & Rhys on our trek through Munduk

View from One Homestay

If you’d like to check out One Homestay and Kadek (see if you can find the sign I drew on the back of a postcard and left him!):

one_homestay@yahoo.com, mobile: +62 896 7616 1225

Mt. Agung is the tallest volcano on Bali

 As we drove into the popular diving town of Tulamben, we passed by Bali’s biggest volcano, Mt. Agung. We drove past just before sunset as the clouds closed in on the moutain, allowing us a rare glimpse of the usually hidden crater.

1.  I’ve shut down a guesthouse after they stole $100 from my bag.
2. Rhys interrogated an Indian guy and then ripped through his home searching for his stolen phone.
3. We’ve dealt with gut-wrenching Indian hospital visits.

But we’ve NEVER had to deal with a town run mafia. ADVICE: DO NOT GO TO MT. BATUR in BALI.

Let’s rewind this story back to the basics of planning our trip and flipping through a Lonely Planet.

Me: “I’d love to hike up one of Bali’s volcanoes.”

Rhys: “Yea, we definitely can there are 3. But the 2 tallest ones you have to hire expensive guides for. Mt. Batur is the shortest, but you don’t need a guide for it. The book says the people of the town will try and intimidate you and tell you that you need a guide but we can do it easily on our own.”

So we headed to Northern Bali and drove into the sleepy little town at the foot of Mt. Batur. The town sits on a beautiful lake and volcanoes raise up in every direction around it. Mt. Batur sits above the others with clouds covering the peak of it most of the day but it offers SENSATIONAL views of sunrise over Lombok  island to the East of Bali. For us it was a done deal, we’d wake up early and make it to the top for sunrise….. or so we thought.

Mt. Batur at Sunset

We knew something was weird about the town as soon as we arrived, mainly because we weren’t allowed to GO ANYWHERE on our own. We were solo, in no group, no bus.. just us and a motorbike, so you’d think we could come and go as we pleased. We checked into the hotel and wanted to have a walk around town to  find the path up the volcano. The people at the guesthouse told us we weren’t allowed to walk around town that we had to hire a guide which I actually laughed at. We made it 10 steps out of the guesthouse before we were stopped by a stranger on the street wanting to know where we were going and what we were doing. That we needed a guide and couldn’t go out on our own. Once again, we assured him we weren’t hiking, just walking around the town. We wandered around for maybe 10 minutes before we gave up and came back because every 10 steps someone would stop us and talk about “the company” and how we weren’t allowed to be out on our own! INSANITY! It’s a small town, maybe 10-15 guesthouses in it. We were just having a wander at sunset! I asked a lady who was selling water on the street where the path up the mountain was. Even she  told me I wasn’t allowed to do anything without “the company”.

We ate breakfast here, looks so peaceful!!?!

Like any other human being in the world, if you tell me I can’t do something when I know perfectly well that I can do it, of course I’m going to do it.

We woke up early and my heart was actually  racing as we tip-toed out of the guesthouse. We were scared to leave the guesthouse, how CRAZY is that! If the guesthouse owners saw us they would have yelled at us and told us we weren’t allowed to leave unless we paid them $50 EACH for a leisurely walk up a volcano. In Balinese Rupiah $50 goes such a long way, asking tourists to pay $50 to do a easy hike is the biggest slap in the face. It’s honestly 5 times what it should be. If they were asking for something reasonable we would have loved to go with “the company.”

We managed to sneak out, and wound up in a field in the middle of nowhere away from the crazy town. We finally thought we were free until we were stopped by a bunch of little skinny guys in the field telling us we weren’t allowed to walk around, they were with “the company” and we had to pay them $50 if we wanted to go anywhere. After nicely telling them to go screw themselves, we went down the road to try our luck there. Only to be followed by the same punk guys telling us that the company wouldn’t allow us to walk up the volcano on our own and we had to pay them. We both flipped out and after an intense yelling match telling them how insane this whole town was and we weren’t paying them a dime, we jumped on the bike and headed back for the crazy town.

The slightly crazy town lays low under Mt. Batur

We parked our bike at the guesthouse and tried walking up the volcano one last time. Since we left the bike at the guest house we didn’t have  to worry about the company guys stealing it, we were just going to keep walking past them when they tried to stop us. WE WERE WRONG. We walked for five minutes down a path before 5 guys, yes you guessed it all a part of “the company” stopped us and told us to give them an insane amount of money. We kept walking and then they started pushing us. Phones were out and they called for back-up. Next thing I know there are guys are walking up from everywhere. They’ve all got these fake, bogus “company” certified tour guide cards and are physically putting their hands on Rhys and I pushing us. One dude kept yelling at me and slapping his dirty, crooked finger on the top of my nose. I couldn’t believe it. To say that we both put our tails between our legs and turned around to go home wouldn’t be fun, of course we had a nice yelling match with the mafia of the town! You can imagine, every curse word was flying out of my mouth. I was cursing their lives, their town, the volcano, and then I apparently crossed the line when I started cursing “the company.” It was as if I insulted their dying mothers. Everything changed and as if things weren’t already escalating too quickly, now they were really offended. It got to the point where the skinniest, little punk of a fake mafia member actually spit in Rhys’s face. It was something out of a movie. Everything froze and I looked around at the sweat dripping off everyone, the curse words flying from everyone’s mouth, the mob of people growing, and the spit flying through the air hitting Rhys’s face. Oh, no shit just got a lot more serious. Rhys had two options:

1. He was going to throw a punch back and we would die a death to 20 mafia men in some backwards mafia run town in Bali.

2. He would realize that this was too far gone now, we wouldn’t climb the mountain and the fake mafia men would win. Because, us 2 vs. 20 angry Balinese men… chances weren’t on our side.  I’m feisty, but I’m small.

In that one second that felt like 100 to me, Rhys took a step back and backed away. We were still yelling, fists pumping the air, and they were yelling some really nasty things at us.  I yelled back for the last time that their town and their fake company was nothing without the tourists who come to hike Mt. Batur, and I’d be sure to ruin them once I got back to world of cyberspace.

Once we got away from all the yelling and crazy company men we knew we needed to leave IMMEDIATELY. We were both really shaken up by the whole thing, and I was pretty much scared shitless. As we were walking back to get our bags and get the hell out of there a guy whizzed by us with a ski mask on his face. I can only think that those guys fighting with us in the field had called him up. Why else would some wear a ski mask on a 90 degree day?! I didn’t want to stick around to find the answers out.  We threw money at the guesthouse woman and darted out of that town as fast as we could.

Moral of the Story: Tell every friend, family member, scruffy traveler, and rich tourist you can to NOT go to Mt. Batur. This “company” has run a monopoly on all tourist groups in the area and therefore have now made it impossible to go up Mt. Batur without them, and outrageously priced it. Most tourists pay for a tour that includes the Mt. Batur hike from Kuta. Tourists come up on a bus and leave without knowing the crazy town, people, and situation they were just surrounded with.

Don’t go. The guys are the biggest assholes I’ve ever met and I’m actually shaking with anger all over again just typing this post! It sounds like something from a movie, right? I swear to you, it’s the truth, nothing is remotely fabricated.

It ended just like the most of the movies do too, the  mafia won.

Mt. Batur at Sunset

The crazy town lays low under Mt. Batur!

We ate breakfast here, looks so peaceful!!?!

After setting foot in Kuta for a sleepless night with club music blasting through our room’s walls we needed to ride far away from Kuta, drunk Australian boys, and clubs. Ubud couldn’t have been more ideal. You’re probably thinking Eat, Pray, Love, meditation and all that sappy Elizabeth Gilbert talk of falling in love in Bali—- and I hate to admit, but she’s right. (You can even meet the healer Wayan from the book, but I heard it was a let down of a trip to visit him though!)

Ubud is a sleepy little town set in the middle of a dense Balinese jungle. The town is immediately surrounded by rice terraces with the jungle reaching out on its sides. At every turn the town invites you to get lost wandering around the artsy streets gawking at the local art, or going on a little adventure jumping from rice terrace to rice terrace snapping picture of the exotic plants or photogenic kids working in the fields. The locals are full of smiles despite the constant stream of wide-eyed tourists taking in the beauty of their hometown.

We spent a few days hidden away in our very own 2 storey bungalow. Can I say that again? OUR VERY OWN 2 STOREY bungalow. I’m used to living in sheds, barns, and rooms that haven’t been cleaned in months when we travel… but in Ubud we lucked out with our very own bungalow! Complete with a kitchen, outdoor shower, and fish pond. It was in the middle of a lush, green rice paddy with palm trees and colorful flowers staring at us from every direction. Para-para-para-Paradise.  We were floored by the beauty all around us. I’m not just saying that to say it either, it was actually that beautiful that you had to keep pinching yourself to believe how lucky you were, on that day, in that exact moment, to be right there in a beautiful bungalow lost somewhere in a Balinese rice field.

Just something great about outdoor showers!

The whole bungalow was ours, top and bottom floors!

The bungalow we found tucked away in a rice field was a 5 minute drive past the city center. It was called Londo Bungalows, highly recommed staying there! We paid $22/night, which is more than we typically spend on accomodation traveling in Asia but really WORTH it. We rented a bike in Kuta and took to the road for a week around the island. Ubud was an easy 1.5 hour drive from Kuta, I also highly recommend renting a motorbike to do your trip and not having to rely on public transportation!

1. Jack Fruit: My absolute favorite fruit in the world.[ & that's a big title to claim] It tastes like a fruit roll up. Fruit candy. Sweeter than a mango & 100 times less messy. I eat so much of this yellow colored delight that people at work call me ‘jack fruit girl‘. Not even sure if they know my name, but jack fruit is so good that the nickname doesn’t even make me cringe a little.

2. Dragon Fruit: It’s like a kiwi but a million times better because of the pink & green skin! Tastes similar to a kiwi, but a bit blander & not so sour. A quick & easy fix making it a great breakfast for those of you like me that run out the door late most days…. also makes for a great afternoon snack when you’re too lazy to bother cutting or peeling anything else to eat. Slice down the middle & indulge simply with a spoon. Faster than a McDonald’s drive thru on a Tuesday morning.

3. Mango. BOOM. The granddaddy of exotic fruits. Does anyone in the world not love mango? If so, you crazy.

4. Rambutan: The rockstar of fruits. The only fruit I’ve ever seen that has green hair coming out of its red body. It opens up to reveal it’s white insides that are cool & sweet. But, a little pesky seed in the middle flakes off on the fruit & makes for a gross texture in your mouth. I can’t decide if I like them or not, if only they could be like seedless grapes.

5. Mango Steen: Probably the ugliest fruit in the world, it always looks battered like its just fought for its life after falling from 100ft tree. Sweet & sour with that tangy after taste that a really ripe strawberry leaves. It’s delicious & sold on every street corner for dirt cheap– but breaking into the fruit is harder than breaking into the Bank of America. I always end up getting stained purple from its skin & I really don’t think opening it is worth all the effort. If you can find someone to open a bunch for you at once and give you all the goodness inside than this fruit is totally worth it.

6. Longan: I’ve read that Longan means Drangon’s Eye or Cat Eye in other languages because… you guessed it… the fruit looks like an eyeball. Eerie? Maybe, but delicious. Longhan is very small with a black seed inside it’s clear flesh. They are kind of like M&Ms, picture me sitting on the couch at night popping them in my mouth like candy. Sweet & juciy, it melts in your mouth not in your hand.

Video Courtesy of: Robert Whitworth

I find myself laughing everyday at this place I’ve been calling home the last 12 months. Do I actually live here? I can’t believe it most days! Why? Why do I find myself in shock that I live in Vietnam’s largest, most populated, ‘liberal’ city? Saigon is like your crazy uncle or cousin. The one that never follows the rules and the family just roll their eyes at, we’ve all got one.. and Saigon is just that. Vietnam’s crazy relative that lives life off the wall and breaks all of the rules. Compared to Grandfather Hanoi up in the North where all the rules come pounding down on the country.

1. There are more motorbikes in Saigon than there are ants on this planet. Just try and picture the traffic. So, imagine the people on bikes function like a million ants that are taking over the city, crawling and zooming into every crevasse as they race to get from A to B. If there is something in their way like any ant the driver will either go over it, hit it, or flood around it with 20 other bikes taking over the other lane of traffic and causing chaos.
2. Random Cheesy Pop Songs live on forever. Last Sunday at 8AM after a night of Saturday drinks my Vietnamese neighbors (they speak zero English) decided to CRANK Celine Dion’s Power of Love for everyone in Saigon and Hanoi to hear. Is that EVER necessary? I was in my room with the door shut, fast asleep, and it woke me from a grizzly bear slumber, pounding on my walls from across the alleyway.
3. Motorbike car seats? Sure, they exist here too. An infant on a motorbike!? Yea of course, how else would they get home from the hospital? A car seat here is a tall chair that balances in between Mommy or Daddy’s legs on the bike. It’s the law for adults to where helmets but children 15 and under are allowed to stand up on the bike seat clutching to their parents neck as they zoom in and out of traffic, no helmet needed. OR a pillow is placed in front of their face so they don’t bang it on the gauges if they are standing up in the front of the bike.
4. Abundance of the most exotic, most delicious tropical fruits sold practically on your door step for under $1.00. Mango, jack fruit, dragon fruit, papaya, watermelon, banana, pineapple… Vietnam’s got it all when it comes to fruit.
5. Rolling Power cuts suck and are scheduled in almost every neighborhood. 100 degree sunny days with no fan or A/C in your apartment is just cruel and unusual punishment.
6. Beer is 50 cents.
7. If I go to a cafe and sit outside I never have to leave again. People come up selling cigarettes, lighters, glasses, shoe shines, gum, books, fruit, drinks, bar snacks, lottery tickets… anything and everything.
8. Public toilets display signs that say “No standing on the toilet seat.” The ones with drawings showing the person using the toilet wrongly are the best.
9. At home (in the USA) families go out and buy huge Minivans and trucks when they have kids. My parents swear they have to have a truck for those random times when they need to move random big things like furniture, or take a big load of trash to the dump… Motorbikes are trucks here. Families of 4 or 5 easily fit on ONE MOTORBIKE. People strap anything they need on the back of their bikes. Dressers, cow meat, water jugs, propane tanks, small couches.. you name it and it goes on the back of a bike. Motorbikes are built FORD tough.
10. The city stops functioning and falls asleep from 11-1. Bank employees will pull out their blanket and sleep on the bank floor. Teachers & students sleep on classroom floors. Office workers sleep on their keyboards. Everyone takes a siesta as if someone pushed the power button while they were in the middle of working and they just shut down in mid thought.
11. Monsoon Season. It rains everyday for a few hours, and when it rains here all hell falls down. Streets turn into flooded rivers.  People drive home from work or to work in ties, skirts, and business suits on a motorbike in rain that is coming down so hard you can’t see 3 feet in front of you. The rain is going sideways from the wind, arriving to work with PUDDLES in shoes, squishing through classes the rest of the day.
12. A maid  cleans my apartment every week for $5.
13.  Walking across the street is a real-life, live or die Frogger game.
14. Flaunting fat is the new fad. Old men love to show off their big beer bellies, they pull up their shirt, and sit with their Buddha bellies hanging out, rubbing them their belly like it’s a magic lamp granting them a wish.
15. Vietnam celebrates the Chinese New Year or Tet, and it is extremely important. My school gave me a pig’s leg with the foot still on it as a happy new year present! A card would have been fine.
16. Everyday I see or hear something new like… live chickens clucking in the back of my taxi as I get dropped off across the city & all I can do is shake my head, laugh, and think.. Oh, Saigon!

PlayStations next big video game:

Driving in this insane city of motorbikes and honking horns should be turned into a PlayStation game. You have 10 minutes to get to work on the other side of the city, you are in a rush and need to get there in a flash. On the way to work “WATCH OUT” you’re dodging fruit carts, buses that are honking at you warning they’re about 5 seconds from running you over, road construction, corrupt police officers that want bribes, motorbike driving butt wipes going down a one way street the WRONG WAY, a motorbike balancing 8 beer crates on the back that you can’t see around, an old woman that has decided to walk out in front of you so you slam on your breaks to avoid smashing her to pieces, traffic circles that are in stand still jams, taxi drivers that hate motorbikes and try to hit you out of the way, the random stray animal in the street, kids on bicycles zigging and zagging across the road, men walking out in the street carelessly rubbing their bellies— all of this and you have 10 minutes to be at work standing in front of the class teaching. Funny thing is, I play this game every morning, every evening, every time I venture out.. here it’s called ‘REAL LIFE’!

I’ve been in Vietnam 12 months & been in Asia so long I didn’t think everyday would still provide me with a ‘wtf? really really?‘ kind of moments when all you can do is laugh & take it for what it is… I was so wrong!